I've always ordered beverages one simple way, e.g. "A Coke, please."

Lately, though, this hasn't seemed to work. Waitresses now often respond, "I'm sorry, we don't have Coke. We have Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, Mr. Pibb, Fanta, Yahoo and Red Bull."

Tired of listening to the long list of soft drinks, I thought I'd make life easier. So one day I simply asked the snack bar lad at a movie theatre for a "dark, cold, carbonated beverage."

The young man behind the counter chuckled and asked, "Yes sir, and would you like a long, thin, cylindrical plastic sucking device with that?"